There is a receptionist who works at my workplace who is the sweetest woman in the world. I was speaking to her the other day and it turns out that we are both originally from the same part of Texas - the Gulf Coast and now currently residing in Austin.  I began asking her what led her to Austin & how she came to be here. She told me she moved here because her husband's job transferred him and they have been living here 8 years now. We starting talking of "home", familiar streets and restaurants. Finally, she told me that as much as she enjoys Austin, she would move back home in a heartbeat.  The comment hit home to me in a way I hadn't expected. I realized that part of me felt I was the only one who missed home and that I was a child for feeling that way.  Hearing this grown woman talk about how much she missed her family and familiarity was of a strange comfort to me.

I thought about that for a minute. I thought about home and all of the things I am missing there right now.

Seeing me drifting off into dreamland she asked me what brought me to the Austin area. I told her that I am taking a class (which ends this week) and trying to find a full time job doing what I love.  "So you moved here with nothing?" she said in the most caring voice.  The look on her face made me feel as if she was hugging me. At first I felt the need to defend my decision, that I hadn't moved with nothing, or family or friends.  But I did not move here because of a husband or boyfriend; I did not move here because I had a secure job; I do indeed have a good support system here. But it's not the same is it?

I know why I left.  There was little opportunity where I was, and I was beginning to become a spectator of life instead of participating. I stayed only for my family.

I think the thing I miss most about "home" is the warmth. Songs and stories describe it as the "love lights" and I think they're right. I miss the love lights, the warmth of walking into a home where you know you are cared about and loved for being your quirky and neurotic self, no questions asked.  I guess you don't miss those things until they are gone... I am just struggling with what to do with the absence of them. Attempting to fill my time without wasting it. I suppose this is normal, and the holidays approaching doesn't help. I know there are probably many people feeling this way & I should just suck it up but that doesn't help. I've heard that the best way to forget your own troubles is to help someone else bear theirs, so that is what I'm trying to do.

Everything we do in this life is a choice. I have made some decisions this year that have, if not changed my life, changed my outlook on life.

• I quit my job.
• I found my life's calling.
• I have been pretty much living out of a suitcase for the past 3 months, never staying "home" longer than 2 weeks.

This sounds pessimistic but I mean it in the lightest way possible.  What is the point of it all? Really? We are born, we learn, we live, we work, we die?  I understand about living in the moment and treating this life as a gift because it is but... what is the point?

It seems that we are all following a script for our lives and yet we are not the authors of that script.  There are patterns to human behavior. For instance: you are expected to fall in love and get married and have children.  There is nothing wrong with any of these things. Indeed they are the things that keep life sustainable and the things that make life worth living.  I feel this past year I have gone "off script" and I am confused as hell.  I have an idea of what I want and now it is just the getting there that is daunting. It will require some major changes.  C'est la vie!

My question is... do we think about these decisions anymore? Everyone is different and so of course your answer may be different from someone else.  But have you ever seriously considered an alternate life for yourself? All my life I thought I wanted a big family one day but this past year I met someone who does not want kids at all and is completely confident in this decision.  This caused me to question why I wanted kids and the reasons behind many of other choices I have made.  It was almost as if a weight had been lifted - I do not HAVE to have kids. It is not a requirement.  It is strange to think how far we have come even in the last 60 years.  Our roles in society have been shifting. I mean roles of all types: as sons and daughters, fathers & mothers... but specifically gender based roles have changed significantly.  Women are "breadwinners" of a household, men can tend to their children at home.  There is very little stigma being held to these jobs anymore.  Men as nurses, you may still get the occasional snicker here and there but it is becoming less and less frequent.  You can essentially be anything you want to be.

What do we do with this freedom of choice? Are we exercising it?

P.s. As you can probably guess, I am a 20something...